Needing a hug

What do you do when you need physical comfort from another, but can’t get it. Just a hug, just arms around you to hold you. To make you feel safe. make you feel protected. make you feel loved. share your joy. share your love. share your life.

Sometimes a hug, a kiss, a parting greeting, a hello embrace is such a part of normal daily life. and for others it isn’t. but what if it’s needed.

Something happens. You wanna leap into someones arms to shout Yay! Yippee!!. and there is no one there. no one to share with. no one to hug.

My arms are empty.

I achieved. I shout for joy. I say I need a hug. It took courage asking for a hug. but I asked for a hug. and with limp arms I get asked why. Why do i need a hug. the need evaporates. evaporates into thin air. it took away the joy. it took away the adrenaline. the enjoyment.

Months later, you momentarily forget that downtrodden feeling, excitement peaks, and again you ask for a hug. with limp arms you get asked why. I say because i need it. I need it now. I get told to take what I need. I hug. a hug is meaningless because the limp arms didn’t move. I am not being hugged in return. there is no sharing. no loving. no caring. no sharing.

I regret having asked. I regret taking. I vow I will never again ask. regardless of how great the need. I know within myself I cannot not need. But within my core I know I will not get what i need in this way. not now. not ever. I need to share joys with others. not like this. not ever again. I vow to never forget that feeling, and never again did I ask. not from him.

You know not to expect. you get what you need in other ways. you share your joys with those who want to share with you. who appreciate you for who you are. Who looks to you for a hug, and comfort, and love. And in there you find the support and the love and caring that you need. Tou know you are safe again. You turned away from negative.

Self preservation.

a new chapter, a new beginning,

Now before I even need to ask, I am held, held, like never before, not by one, but by two people who love me. Where i feel safe enough to say I need a hug. Hug ME. Hold me. Sharing together our joys. Knowing that we are safe enough for our weaknesses to be exposed without fear. Knowing that we will protect each other, sometimes at the price of our own self. But that’s ok, because it works like that in all directions. We care, we love, we protect. We share. we love. We hug.

I feel your arms around me now even when you not with me.
I feel loved.
I know you are holding me all the time
holding us.


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