One of the hardest things often is to do introspection. Even harder when you battling is to look at yourself in the mirror. Really look at yourself. Not at the hair that’s out-of-place, but at yourself. not the facade you put out, but the real you. Sometimes you will see the strong self, and other times you will see beyond the mask and see the small tiny core. So often you know you brushed your hair in front of the mirror, but you know you did not truly look at yourself. Our the flip side of that: you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and don’t recognise yourself and with that ask yourself “IS that ME”, is this what people see?

 But more importantly is another question: DO you like what YOU see. Can you actually look, at yourself or is there a need to carry on and move away. What do you see. Really see. Beyond the makeup. Beyond the screens you put out for the world out there. This is you. No need for any barriers. Do you see beyond the imperfections. Beyond skin deep. Look to what is inside. Look at the message that carries through.

Especially when things are crazy and hectic I often lost sight of myself. And depending on how much turmoil I’ve been through, I sometimes see the changes. I feel as though I look different. That the change is reflected in my face. Particularly my eyes. There is depth that you don’t get to see any other way, the window to the soul some would say. and yes, I agree: if I am in pain, look at my eyes. And don’t be fooled by masks either. But friends, loved ones know this to be true 🙂

So what do you see? It’s actually hard to look. For me this was one of the first steps to my healing process. Being able to acknowledge me. See myself. Accept me. Accept my pain. Own my pain. and only once you can do this can you even start healing. For healing is not truly about moving past, nor about moving beyond what you been through. It’s about acknowledging it, owning it, and moving with it in such a way that it no longer weighs you down.

I know! Your next response is probably going to be that it’s an easy thing to say. You know what: It definitely isn’t. The process is a long and hard one. There is no manual on how it is to be done for each person’s circumstances are different. It boils down to digging out all the shit you been through, working through the pain. realising it has made you into the person you are now. And has broken you in certain ways. But the realisation that you are still standing, that you have moved beyond that gives a strength of its own. And with that comes a new sparkle from your eyes. A new strength to carry on, in spite of what has happened. You are where you are because of what happened. But it doesn’t define your future.

 So often though we cannot do it alone. We have loved ones at our side. Re-assuring us. Sometimes it is a therapist. sometimes just a friend to whom we can talk to. And all of this is a good thing. Who ever told you healing is a solitary process. We are not solitary beings. We do not live in isolation. And other people’s opinions does matter.

We just got to choose and realise who are good for us, true to us, and truly care about us. Just as we need to care for ourselves. We need to take care and nurture, else we are the ones who suffer. I learned that the hard way. And the process is not only painful and slow, it can uncover stuff you thought you dealt with, but dealing with it again can sometimes reveal deeper pain. So the fact that it still is a barrier means that it still needs dealing with. And don’t be too scared to deal with it until it holds no more pain. Other times however, just sharing, telling someone about what you went through, the fact that it’s no longer owned by you and you alone takes away the ‘eina’ or ‘ouch factor. So share. But only with those who you trust with your life.

So the next time you pass the mirror, Look at yourself. Really look. See the beauty. See what I see. Love what you see. ‘cos its you. I love you. You need to love you.

And yes, I am testimony to the fact that it can be done!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

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