Unwanted wantedness

do I belong
where do I belong if not here?

Here feels right
but here feels wrong

Here feels happy
but here causes too much pain

Do you feel you belong?
I often wonder if  there is belonging
not ownership, but true integration and assimilation within

I am happy
but I cause pain and discomfort
and therefore I am not happy

Ever felt you want but you should not want
That you need and its wrong to need
that you would like but you shouldn’t
that its not an indulgence,
not a necessity but necesary

is it me or is it just my fault
it was different, other stuff
but it wasn’t because of me

and now it is

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